How to Banish Fire Demons
by Catsitta
Summary: Gift for MuffinLordLionsGate: "Do explain...why is he chasing Reno with a water gun?"


**A/N: **

Um…request made by my good friend, MuffinLordLionsGate. Let it be said that AP Macro Economics inspires pointless, plot-less crack humor.

Enjoy! Review! And I hope that I made someone laugh or smile like an idiot. 'Tis my goal with this oneshot.

**Warning(s): Language **

**Word Count: **711

**How to Banish Fire Demons (or not…)**

**By Catsitta**

It is difficult not to swear like a sailor when someone sneaks up behind you and pours water over your head. It's damn near impossible when said 'someone' chases you like a crazy person with a bucket of water screaming,"I smite thee with holy water foul demon of fire!" To say the least, Reno was having a bad day and it could be blamed entirely on one person: Zack Fair.

"How many times do I have to tell yah, yo?" The crimson-haired Turk shouted, barely avoiding the hyperactive SOLDIER as he attempted to dump another pail of water over Reno's head. "I'm not on fire! My hair is suppos'tah be this color. I'm a redhead, yah moron."

Zack paused for a moment to stare blankly at the flushed Turk standing in front of him, then let out a strangled scream before running away.

Reno, confused and mildly ticked off, scratched his head and quirked a brow,"What is Angeal feeding him? He's never this bad." With a shrug, he began to wring water from his ponytail—the result of Zack's previous assault. "Ah well, I'll tie 'em up and leave him in a closet later." With that decided, the redhead began to whistle, retaining his cocky swagger and smirk despite being soaked.

There were certain privileges that came with keeping everyone's expectations of you low, and being able to go to work looking as if he was drug through a swamp was one of Reno's. Tseng would roll his eyes (at least, that's what he assumed the boss man Turk did behind those shades of his) and hand him a mission file. It wasn't like his partner Rude cared how Reno looked (or acted…or if he was actually sober) as long as the job got done.

"I SHALL SMITE THEE!"

"Awe, shit…" Reno shook his head with disbelief,"He's got a water blaster."

SOLDIER and Turk disappeared down the hallway, one swearing profusely, the other raving about him being a fire demon that needed slaying…with holy water.

Observing this strange exchange, were three certain First Class SOLDIERs: Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis.

The silver-haired General sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose,"How did you convince me to promote him, Angeal?"

Said addressed SOLDIER shrugged, looking embarrassed and none too amused,"Zack is very enthusiastic…And he had honor…and dreams. He is a good SOLDIER, Sephiroth…or at least he was before I went on that last mission."

"I think someone broke your student," Sephiroth noted quietly,"Please tell me you can fix him. Quickly. First Class SOLDIERs are supposed to be the epitome of the program and Zack is…"

"—absolutely bonkers?" Genesis cut in, grinning a little wider than usual. There was a smug, feline arrogance about the redhead that was noticeably out of place. Yes, Genesis was always arrogant, but the mischievous, playful malice replaced the usual fire and ice.

Both Sephiroth and Angeal turned their sights on the red-clad SOLDIER, and Genesis merely smirked.

"Do you have something to do with this, Gen?" Angeal asked, neither looking nor sounding all that pleased.

With an indignant huff of offense, Genesis crossed his arms and turned away,"You accuse me of breaking the puppy?"

"Yes." Both of his friends said at the same time.

"All I did was chase him a little…" He admitted begrudgingly.

"And…?" Angeal prompted with a frown.

Genesis sighed,"Alright, I _may_ have chased him whilst throwing fire balls…"

"But you do that all the time…" Sephiroth said, looking rather confused,"Zack never did this before."

"…Alright, perhaps I _may_ have told him that I was possessed by a demon of fire…and that all redheads were under my control…and that I or my minions would find him while he was sleeping and…"

"I think we got it…" Angeal cut in with a groan,"But do explain why he is chasing Reno with a water gun."

Genesis shrugged,"To that, I have no answer. I left him to his own device after making the puppy wet his pants. Apparently he decided that fire demons could be banished through such means."

"How do you fix him?" Sephiroth asked.

Before the redhead could reply, a certain raven-haired puppy went screaming past them, a wild-eyed, crimson-haired Turk in hot pursuit—EMR sparking with electricity.

Angeal slumped with deafeat,"Gaia save us all…"

**fin**


End file.
